I had a nightmare last night

It was about the day before the trial and then the trial.  I had to go to my grandmother's house for something, and when I got there he was there.  His daughter called me a stupid bitch and said I was trying to ruin her father's life.  He and my grandmother made a last ditch effort to try and get me to not go through with the trial.

Next in the nightmare it was the day of the trial.  I went to court and saw them in the hallway.  My grandmother was telling me I was being selfish, that he had a good life now and that I was trying to take all that away from him.  I remember yelling back that he should just take the plea, then he won't have to risk going to jail, because all I asked the ADA was to get him on probation and on the sex offender registry.  They yelled back that he would never take the plea and that they were going to make this as hard for me as possible.  Next thing I remember is having a panic attack, thinking I couldn't testify.  Then I was testifying, and it was awful.  His lawyer was trying to trip me up with my words, and I blanked and couldn't remember anything.  Then I woke up.

I know this nightmare is just my own fear of what's going to happen with the trial but it was awful and so realistic.  I'm so angry that this is giving me nightmares again.  I'm also really worried now that I am going to mess up when testifying.  This sucks.

Today I received my summons

Because it's technically the State(Commonwealth) pressing charges against my uncle, as the victim I am also the witness to the crime and therefore have to be subpoenaed for the trial.  Unfortunately, as the first person I told my story to, my boyfriend was also subpoenaed for the trial.  This means he won't be able to be in the courtroom to support me when I have to testify and is the cause of a lot of my anxiety.

It kind of sucks that the ADA mailed the summons out so early because it brings the trial back to the forefront of my mind.  I've been having a lot of trouble pushing this out of my mind since the last court date where the trial was supposed to happen, and receiving the summons isn't going to help me with that.  Opening the mail to find the summons has definitely brought my day down a notch.